A little on Epictetus

"When you have shut your doors, and darkened your room, remember never to say that you are alone, for you are not alone . . . your mind and genius are within,--and what need have they of light to see what you are doing?" ~ Epictetus: Discourses Chap. xiv

Lately, I am really getting into ancient literature. I am realizing that nothing truly is new. Everything is just a repetition of those things learned by the ancient Greeks and Romans.

I find Epictetus especially intriguing. He was born a slave, yet he held that all people have the right to live free and in harmony with nature. I like that concept.

Well, the holidays are truly over now

Valentine's Day goods are popping up everywhere. Christmas is all relegated to the clearance bins. And, for my little 4-6 ounce non-migraine coffee today, I am having the last of the Trader Joe's Wintry Blend (for those of you un-indoctrinated, it's a medium roast with spices like pink peppercorn and nutmeg. Yum!). Sigh. Yes, it's true. Ten more months until the holidays begin again.

I also threw the last of the unfrosted sugar cookies out for the birds today, if only in an effort to keep them away from the cat food set out for the barn & stray cats! (I KNOW!) But, there is something a bit melancholic when the last of the tinsel is put away and the bulk of Winter is stretched out before you. Sigh. Again.

My mind moves away from thoughts of festivities into thoughts of "work". So much to do these days, and January always reminds me. Lo, Janus - the two-faced Roman god of beginnings and endings! You have to till the soil before you plant the seeds for Spring. So the work begins.

Work. What does that mean exactly? Well, there is so much work to do, in my internal house and my external house, that all of the resolutions I have made seem to center around them. And we can make all the resolutions we wish, but we have to be willing to step back, review a bit, then 'put on our big girl pants, roll up our sleeves, and get to work', as I recently said in another venue. Recognizing and identifying the need for change are only the tip of the iceberg. It was the rest of the iceberg that sunk the Titanic, right? That's where the real challenge lies - in the depths of our OWN ocean.

So, here I am, working to keep the "boat afloat". The immensity makes things overwhelming at times. But, coming back to center in this Winter is what will keep the balance. And make for a lovely Spring and Summer!

"In the depths of winter I realized that within me lie an invincible summer." ~ Albert Camus

So, so true, Mr. Camus. (Pretty uplifting for an existentialist, eh??)

I broke my rule and didn't write yesterday! Or did I?

I did write yesterday. I just wrote a very very long email to a friend. I know, some may not consider THAT writing, but in it, I outlined an idea for the book I am writing this year. Yes, it is coming. I am forcing myself.

A new black cat is making her way into the family and our hearts. I hope it's to make up for the loss of Pyewacket (above) who was captured, but released in our TNR project. The person who released her thought she was doing her a favor. But we had put nearly $200 in her, with shots and a hysterectomy. Ah, well.

This lovely black cat outside here is very chubby and quite vocal. She let me pet her the other day. She lives in the granary portion of the barn with the HUUUGE tomcat which I call Big Fat Red Cat. So, she became Big Fat Black Cat because, well, she kind of is. When she nuzzled my hand while I was feeding her the other day, I knew she was going to stick around (if only to maintain the color scheme. Our mammalia are all black, or black and white).

This morning, I was out in the barn and BFBC came out, talking up a storm and sticking very close to me. I went to the back porch to get her some food from the bin, and spontaneously burst into an Elvis Costello lyric. " . . .and my name is Veronica".

So it is.

Does this blog make my butt look big?

Admit it, you made a resolution to lose weight. It's got 85% or more of the nation under its spell, that resolution.

Well, I made a resolution to write more.

I had some pretty lofty goals last year. A few I kept, and a few I excused, mostly because I realized that my stress level last year was astronomical. This blog is not going to be about weight loss, food counting, and exercise like the last one started out. It will be more of the way it ended.

I hope this is okay with all of you. It's more what I need anyway.

Incidentally, I may NOT write everyday, but that's only because I may find other places to write. But I will try.

A note on Love and Patience

Love is patient, love is kind.

We've all heard it a thousand times. But what does it mean?

I love my animals, but I am not always patient with them.
I love my husband, but there are times I am not kind.

So, how can love be both? I don't really think it's either. I think it's the intent, the ideal, but not the "truth".

Infinite patience when it comes to children. Most days. But not with an adult who should know better.

Unlimited kindness, but not always in the face of adversity.

It seems so simple, but it really is a very complex concept. Perhaps it's just easiest to sigh and move on.

What is the 'empty sack', you ask?

The in-laws were coming for a visit for the holidays. I was researching where we could possibly catch a service when I looked at the website for the church across the street, St. John Amelith. Mind you, I'm no Christian, and they are no Lutherans (Methodists, actually), but when it's freezing outside and there's a Lutheran church across the street . . . well, you see my point. Plus, the original owner of our farm, George Schnell, is one of the church's founders. It just seemed right.


In my research, I realized that the pastor of the church posts his sermons from the previous week. In his 12/13/09 sermon, "Let Your Reasonableness Be Known to All" ( a weighty and worthwhile title if ever there were one), he told the story of three men, each carrying two sacks, one in front and one on his back. The first man carried all the good things others had done to or for him on his back. In his front sack was all the bad - so he could pull it out and examine it periodically. Needless to say, he wasn't getting too far in life.

The second man carried all of his own good deeds in front, so he could show them to others or examine them himself at will. On his back? The mistakes he had made, weighing him down so heavily that his journey through life was a chore.

The third man? Well, it seems he carried in front all of the wonderful things others have done for him in his life. They gave him joy, making his steps light, and being that they were in front, they pulled him forward. On HIS back? Oh, that's where he kept all the wrongdoings of others and his own mistakes, however, he had cut a hole in the bag, so they never wore him down. Instead, as he was propelled forward in his joy, they fell behind him, leaving his sack empty and his load light.

That is my wish for this year. I am trying to carry an empty sack on my back and one full of joy in sight.

It reminds me of the old Middle Eastern parable whose moral teaches to write everything good done to you in stone, everything bad done to you in sand. This way, all the good deeds are permanent, but the bad ones blow away in the wind.

2010: The Year We Make Contact

How many of you remember the Arthur C. Clarke novel of the above title? In it, the aliens who were driving our civilization (as seen in "2001: A Space Odyssey") make contact with our world. Profound changes were going to be taking place, including the birth of a new star in our solar system. And it became so.

This is my year of profound change. I am making contact with my inner self again, forcing myself out of the complacency in which I have been living, and making my dreams a reality this year . . . at least the ones which I directly impact. It's time to give myself a swift kick in the derriere, stop making excuses, and strike out on my own course of adventure.

Some of the things which I hope to accomplish this year:

1. continued improvement of my health
2. return to a size 6 (I am already down 38 pounds since moving back to Michigan)
3. developing the 501C animal shelter
4. working with the local green chapter to provide fresh produce for inner city seniors
5. continued renovations of the outbuildings on the farm
6. being kinder to myself
7. emptying my load (more about this tomorrow)
8. write something EVERY DAY, even if it's just to blog again

Fasting is the cornerstone for this. I feel fasting brings me back to center, and the last two fasts I have done in earnest (the one for Darfur and the Holiday Fast to bring the plight of those without into focus) have been for others. Tomorrow, I start a fast FOR ME.

I know that sounds selfish. Be that as it may, it's time to take a little time out to become 'intuned' to my inner self again. Yes, it's the year I make contact.